Greetings Negotiators!

Catamaran Spa and Resort San Diego, CA

Though it is now nearly noon, this picture is a beautiful shot of where I’m writing you from. I’m sitting on the fifth floor of that tall building on the right side of the photograph look ing back down at the boats while I write you my latest blog. Today marks the fourth day of living on the west coast staring out at the Pacific Ocean. Last night was the first full night’s sleep I’ve had in about three weeks very long hours and hard work getting ready for The Miracles Weekend seminar that I’ve helped put together for Dr. Joe Vitale.

First up on the Negotiator’s tales of this seminar weekend are two people that I met who touched me deeply and reinforced some valuable Negotiating Lessons (even for me). Peggy Roux and Dennis (prounounced Din-EE) Hartings we two extraordinary individuals. First they flew all the way from Montreal to be here in San Diego to listen to a fascinating lineup of speakers talk about the relationship between mind, body and spirt. English is not their first language though their proficiency with American English was superb. Secondly both Dennis and Peggy are completely blind.

I have to admit when I first saw them I discovered some social revulsion coming up for me for people with significant disabilities. I got quiet enough to discover I was dealing with my own fear of blindness and realized that I wasn’t repulsed by them but my own lack of gratitude and appreciation for my ability to see. I made the choice to discover what they knew that I did not.

The Miracle’s Weekend seminar Officially Ended with a fantastic talk by Dr. Joe Vitale on “Awakening”. However, after his talk he invited Denis on stage to sing. As a big guy I hate to admit this but while this 80 pound blind French Canadian sang “I can see clearly now the rain has gone” I found myself crying. I was thunderstruck by the exquisite quality of his voice and his massive passion for singing.

So even though I have many tales of the Adventures of Peggy and Dennis, the one thing my Negotiator’s radar picked up was almost comical though you had to really being paying attention to notice. The ballroom had cleared of the Seminar participants, my wife and I were gathering the last remains of things to be shipped back home from the Seminar and the Hotel staff was clearing the room of all the tables, table cloths and chairs. There were just a handful of people left in the ballroom, including Peggy and Dennis. A tradition of Dr. Vitale’s support team is for him to take us out to dinner after an event. Someone (my wife perhaps) was on the phone and talk was being exchanged in the room and on the phone about where to meet and when. I happened to look all the way across the ballroom and noticed Peggy and Dennis were like statues, standing alone, not speaking or doing anything else.

I realized then that they were doing what so many of us only half-do or occasionally do or do poorly - they were listening with every fiber of their being to all the information flying about the room. I walked back over to them and teased them a little about it by saying “You guys are ‘listening’ aren’t you?” They are both very gregarious individuals with strong spirits that have endured obstacles I cannot imagine. The laughed happily and began to Negotiate their way into our private dinner.

Their flight was scheduled to leave in only a few hours and I wasn’t really in a position to get them invited. I’m sorry Peggy and Dennis - next time I see you I’ll do my best to get you a couple of seats at the VIP table. Dennis is self-employed and is the Visionary behind The UFO Proeject (Unified Field Orchestra). Peggy is a full-time mom with her teenage daughter.

I’m probably going to play and relax today after 3 weeks of 16-18 hour days non-stop. I’ll be back in Austin later on this week.

If you’d like to know more about events that I attend or acquire my Negotiating Services or Negotiating Training, please signup on the top right hand of this page for my Negotiator’s Checklist (and Newsletter).

I’ll see you at the Negotiating Table!

Bruce Burns, the Negotiator!

The Negotiator’s Basic Training

by: Bruce Burns

1. Study your Play book

When you find yourself in the specific tunnel leading you to the playing field of a negotiation NOTHING is more important than BEING READY!

1. Evaluate your Positions, Evaluate your Negotiating Compliment’s (party or parties you Negotiate with) Positions
2. Achieve Maximum Familiarity with your Negotiating Compliment
   1. What are their interests ?
   2. What are their fears and concerns ?
   3. What inspires them ?
   4. What expires them (their kill switch) ?
   5. What is their their style ?
   6. What is their manner?
   7. What is their pace?
   8. What is their angle ?
   9. What is their gimmic?
   10. This list can be fairly endless as the Negotiator masters sensory acuity (making more and more distinctions)
3. Prepare three gambits. A gambit is a word often used by chess players.  It is the meta-view of a series of tactics that form a strategy that actually has a specific shape as opposed to a general strategy that has a variable shape.
   1. Stalling Gambit - this strategy (in essence) is where you use various tactics to achieve maximum position in a Negotiation without closing the deal.  The resource that is on your side in this gambit is time.  You draw out the Negotiation often times in order to wear down your Negotiating Compliment. You use time to cause your Negotiating Compliment to alter their position.
   2. Talk Less Gambit - A great error that many negotiators and non-negotiators make is that they give away too much information.  I will refer to this as the TMI rule.  For this gambit to work you have to understand something about your Negotiating Compliment.  This gambit often assumes that the Negotiating Compliment has poor habits and/or training and fills in the awkward silences with words that actually represent a change in their position.  When the Negotiating Compliment changes their position favorably toward you, you reward them with a bit of engagement asking for details about what they mean and more or less getting them to write the contract for you.
   3. The Interview Gambit - the interview gambit is not only a strong starting point for any new Negotiator but it is also the very best excercise in mastering The Art of Asking Resourceful Questions. You start the Negotiations with a tone of curiosity and you reward the Negotiating Compliment every time they participate fully in your questions (regardless of whether you like their answer or not)  The value of this gambit is that it causes the Negotiating Compliment to paint their position into an immoveable corner.  This allows you to Negotiate with an infinite set of options to their finite set of conditions based on a very specific and unmoving position.
4. Relax.  Relaxation is perhaps one of the strongest resources you could ever take to a Negotiation. For those over achievers out there I want you to think of going to a Negotiation the same way you would as if you were taking a very important test for graduation or a license of some sort.  Once you’ve done your preparations, take the last 10 minutes to relax and free your mind before you go meet your Negotiating Compliment

2. Opening Moves

1. Evaluate the Frames. Before you can grasp the nuance of framing you first have to appreciate the difference between “framing” and “positioning”.  A simple definition of positioning is - what any party is willing to do or not willing to do based on a specific set of conditions.  Framing is the act (and art) of telling people what something means or what they think it should mean.  For example a Negotiating Preframe might be found contained in the following opening line “This converstaion is going to be short and we are going to come to an agreement quickly.”  The conversation hasn’t even happened yet and someone is already talking about what the conversation is going to be.  They are trianing your mind or the mind of your Negotiating Compliment what to think and how to think about what’s coming next.

there are 3 basics types of framing Pre-Framing, Re-Framing and De-framing.

2. If your Negotiating Compliment starts with Pre-Framing (defining what something means, telling you how the Negotiation is going to go and so forth)then your response must be to challenge his framing (even if you agree).  When someone’s “framing” process has been allowed to stand they have set a precedent in the Negotiation to do it again and you can almost count on that happening.  Pre-Framing by you is often a very smart way to start off a Negotiation.  Decide what you do and do not want to talk about, where and where-not you want to go in a Negotiation and form a statement or question to reflect that as an opening move.

3. A Major Tenant in a Negotiation is He Who Asks the Questions Controls the Flow of the Negotiation.  Master The Art of Asking Resourceful Questions.

3. The Negotiating Dance

Once you have established the ground work for a Negotiation your opportunity is to see it through. You must be open to the mystries of the universe (and your Negotiating Compliment) in order to take full advantage of what they say and how you can capitalize upon their information.  Here are some dance moves to consider:

1. 1. If your Negotiating Compliment pushes then do a take away
   2. If you Negotiating Compliment stalls then change the focus (or topic) of the Negotation
   3. If your Negotiating Compliment rushes then stall.
   4. If your Negotiating Compliment is foggy or unclear then ask more questions.
   5. If your Negotiating Compliment asks a positioning question (a question who’s answer will nail down your position and reduce your flexibility possibly later) then challenge his question with your own question instead of answering it.
   6. If you Negotiating Compliment presses you to take a position or tries to box you in play stupid.

A metaphor that might help you Understand what your doing during The Dance Phase of a Negotiation is that you are painting your Negotiating Compliment.  In order for you to do this you need him to assume a position that you like and hold absolutely still (maintain that favorable position)  You want to get your Negotiating Compliment into an unchanging or immoveable position that fully supports your own position then…

4. Close!

The are many resources on the art of closing.  Some great movies to stir up your closing passions are “Glengarry Glen Ross” and “The Boiler Room”  If you’ve done a great job of the other 3 steps in this Basic Training then most of your work for #4 is already done.  Closing is really about what your Negotiating Compliment is READY TO DO NOW (though that is not always true it’s a good basic rule to follow).  When you close you simply continue to Ask Resourceful Questions like:

1. “Will you give me a credit card number now or do you prefer to use a check?”
2. “How many copies of the contract would you like to have signatures on?”
3. “Do you want me to cc the invoice to any other parties?”
4. “Please give me your banker’s contact details so we can expedite the transaction.”
5. Every question in the close is full of assumptions that THEY ARE ALREADY CLOSED.  The close is about taking action to the commitment you’ve already acquired from them from the course of the Negotiation.
6. “Now that we’ve settled our first successful Negotiation is there anything else we might be able to do for you?” (Upsale as often as you can).

Although there are mountains of information about Negotiating the real Master Negotiator has worn all those mountains down to a simple, smooth and graceful ballet of communicating to and with the Negotiating Compliment to not only acquire exactly what you want in a Negotiation but to obtain even more than you first intended.

Bruce Burns, the Negotiator!

Austin, Texas

http://yourownbestgood.com

Greetings Negotiators!

I’ve been laying a little low but as summer cools off I’m easing back into the money-never-sleeps world wide web with some fresh content.  One thing I’ve just put into the data stream is my new portal site.  At http://bruce-burns.com you can find all the different websites that I personal host, webmaster and generate from my own personal power.

So lets get right to the Negotiator’s Secret of the Day.  I’m not sure how often I’ve shared this as a Negotiator’s Secret on the web but for my apprentices and my clients I’m constantly re-affirming a very important guideline to effective negotiations. In a negotiation there are only 4 possible positions with the negotiating dynamic and they are:

1. No One’s Position Changes
2. Your Position Changes
3. Their Position Changes
4. Both Positions Change

I know that might sound like some kind of faulty zen puzzle, but there it is plain and simple.  You might even ask yourself (or my virtual self) “This is so apparent…why mention it, why include it in the great volume of Negotiating Secrets as if saying ‘The price of gas is expensive.’ isn’t obvious enough?”

Speaking of gas - a great way to thinking about The Four Negotiating Positions is to create a simple metaphor.  Traffic…

What do you do when someone is going to slow in front of you?

Change Your Position.

The reason The Four Negotiating Positions is essential to a powerful and effective negotiation is that knowing which position the negotiation is in helps you to choose what to do next in the negotiation. Lets take something too simple and complicate it.  Have you ever dealt with someone that had no spine at all?  Every negotiation you ever had with them ended up with them acquiesing?  Sure you have.  What was your primary negotiating tactic?  I know when someone else is negotiating for me, my primary negotiating tactic is often just silence.  Let them talk themselves into whatever it is you want to talk them into.

So we review The Four Negotiating Positions and discover that the above-made-up-from-my-imagination-based-on-people-I’ve-actually-dealt-with Negotiating Compliment and discover they are changing their position.  Just as a reminder for simplicity sake we will assume for this lesson that their positions and yours are genuine and not faux-position. What do we know?  We know:

1. Our Position and..
2. they are changing their position and…
3. we haven’t changed our position therefore …
4. we maintain our position as it seems to …
5. be creating a Negotiating Gravity that they are responding too.

Going back to the beginning I remind you that we don’t just Negotiate but we Negotiate to Your Own Best Good.  That “your” can be singular or plural.  In a fulfilling negotiation there is always a transaction to your own best bood.  With few exceptions, The Negotiator wants to avoid position # 1) No one’s position changes.  It is the very change in position that identifies the transaction weather it be words, the signing of a check or the vacating of a condition that was not supportive for The Negotiator.

The study of Position and Positioning in a Negotiation is vast and could be dedicated to an entire other website and set of material.  Since you already know this website I’ll spoil you and keep it here.

If today’s Negotiating Secret has nudged your mind or inspired you to be curious or even if you have an objection (I respect those who challenge the information) then feel free to write me at justask@yourownbestgood.com I always respond to real questions and real people (not Viagra spam) and will even use your question as the source of a future blog with your permission.

Soon I’ll be expanding The Negotiator’s Newsletter and if you would like to receive it regularly please find the sign up box in the upper right portion of this page.

I’ll be watching for you to changes positions at the Negotiating Table.

Bruce Burns, The Negotiator!

Greetings Communicators!

Have you ever watched a kid play with legos or for those of you who are as ancient as I am, Lincoln Logs? They will spend hours fascinated by what comes out of their…what? What is the operative process in what a child or adult is doing when they put two or more legos together? Connection. Where does the connection first occur? Inside the child. How does the connection occur? Asking a resourceful question. What is the result of the connection? I don’t know. That is the mystery and the magic of communication. When your communication creats a connection for yourself - often times we might refer to this as talking out loud. What do we call it when it creates a connection for someone else? Wisdom, insight, intuition?

How does it work? This might be the only real lesson you’ll ever need to achieve Mastery in Communication and Negotiation. It works just the way it did when we are kids. The child sees the different colored Legos and ponders (by Asking a Resourceful Question) what the result might look like, then confirms that result by making the connections.

I was at an after-work part recently with some friends and more significantly some friends-of-friends. The group was a mixture of genders and ages, coupled and single. They were mostly in the sub-business-culture of marketing, internet marketing and sales. The first thing I “did” to make the connections was to interview anyone that would let me. Most people actually like being interviewed, it’s a chance for them to get undivided attention and feel significant to someone else. My interview starts like a cocktail party conversation:

1. What’s your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. What do you do?
4. How are you connected to this group (or the person that sponsored the party)

Who can’t do that, you ask? People who are in bed sleeping. Everyone CAN DO THIS. Ok so what makes my cocktail questions different from any other shallow smoozer? I’m the kid who can’t put the Legos down. I immediately start making connections not only in my mind - but out of my mouth for the interviewee. Here’s a sample of some follow up questions from the above four:

1. Wow that’s an interesting name where does that come from? (asked that at the party)
2. I’ve been to (name place person is from). Do they still have “Rodeo Day” every year? (show you that I know where your from and entertain you with some local trivia)
3. That’s fascinating (what they do), I once (tell a short story or related life fact about their business)…(if you don’t have a story or fact then reveal a personal or secret interest in something that really relates to what they do) When I went to college I really wanted to go into law but..
4. If you’ve heard about them through friend then say so “Penny has mentioned you a few times - I always wanted to connect the name with a face.” If you haven’t heard of them then at least feign disappointment that you hadn’t met sooner “I’m going to tell Penny she’s been hiding you for herself!”

Still cocktail party you say? Yeah, though a good one. Imagine though if for every (of the original 4)cocktail question that gets answered, you generate 10-50 new questions. Think back to a family get together or even just babysitting a relative’s child. What does a child do before about the age of 8? Do they ask a lot of questions? “where do babies come from” ad infintum. They are making connections in their mind. They are mapping out relationships for the first time that we old, slow, stuck-in-our-ways adults take for granted.

Do you have some fear on asking 200 questions to one person at a party? I can appreciate that. It’s been my experience that about 1 in ever 50 people or so don’t like to be interviewed to that degree. So that means the next 49 people will let you ask 200 questions while that 50th person might only let you get away with 10. Lets break that down. 49 x 200 = 9800 + 10 (from #50). So do you think you can come up with something amazing with 9810 answers? That is an enormous amount of information.

The party I went to consisted of about 15 or 20 people. I talked to about half of those. I even found #50 in the group I spoke to - which I thought was funny. I don’t badger the #50s but when I come across them I still smile. After 3 hours, I had made several appointments, 2 future get-together dates with a larger group and had circulated my phone # and my website shamelessly. Oh here’s another fact - of all the people I did speak to about 90 percent of them had already heard of me. Here is the irony - the person that put the party together is also a #50. She won’t even let me ask questions of her boyfriend questions (though he and I talked anyway). The lesson there is just because a #50 mind find you annoying doesn’t mean they don’t see your value - I still get invited to parties.

So let me wrap up this construct for you with some value. The difference between a child making a lego pyrmaid and any human making the connections with other humans is that once you’ve inventoried their map (the interview) then you share your map and finally you build a new map with the two existing maps. Connections build the bridges between your map and theirs. Those bridges are a map unto themselves and allow resources and opportunities and possibilities to pass back and forth.

If you’d be interested to know more about making connections or just have questions, feel free to write me at justask@yourownbestgood.com. I’m available for private consultation and training.

I’ll see you at the cocktail party or perhaps the Negotiating table!

Bruce Burns the Negotiator!