The Negotiators Secrets

Greetings Negotiators!

This weekend I spent an entire day with a client. He was managing many major changes in his life and it requires him to work 18 hours a day, seven days a week. While I happened to be in ear-shot he received a call from an irate customer. I knew some of the back story to this particular customer and I suspected the call might be a defining moment in my client’s relationship with his client.

10 minutes later after some rather intense phone time with the irate customer my client was unhinged. He like many Negotiating Clients wanted to validate his “point of view” with me after having gotten off the phone. Me, like I am when it comes to Negotiating, wanted to TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN my client to appreciate the phone call like a Negotiator.

In the first few minutes of the conversation between my client and his client “blame” surfaced. The irate customer blamed my client. My client’s response to that was to defend the blame and talk about what he “didn’t do”. After the phone call had ended and some cool-down time had passed, I addressed these areas with my client.

Here’s what I said:

1. You can’t prove a negative.
2. When a client blames you for something unfairly if you can manage to keep your center and remember you are a Negotiator you can actually turn that event into a great advantage.
3. Blame or being a victim is a Negotiating Position. The position looks like “I take the position of a victim with all the victim monologue”
4. When you start “reacting” in a Negotiation you’ve lost the Negotiation. If both parties are reacting, the Negotiation is simply “done”.
5. The key to managing someone who is taking a “victim” Negotiating Position is to challenge the position through Asking Resourceful Questions. Most “victims” will change their tune when they discover there is a)absolutely no pay-off or b)a potential loss for taking such a Negotiating Position to begin with.

My client wanted sympathy and to focus on the drama of what his client had said while he and I were working through his experience. This is a very important distinction to make in each potential Negotiator’s mind. You can either get lost in the drama of a Passionate Negotiation or you can appreciate the value of a Passionate Negotiation and navigate through it to even greater rewards than a standard non-passionate Negotiation.

By challenging a “victim” Negotiating Position effecitvely, the Negotiating Complement often times will regret having been a baby and try to make up for the self-realizing humiliation by Overcompensating you in a Negotiation. Who doesn’t want $ in terms of overcompensation?

If you’ve ever been faced with Blame in business and would like to ask questions or just have a comment then feel free to comment or you can write me directly at justask@yourownbestgood.com.  To hear more about how to Negotiate, sign up for my newsletter on the right hand side of my site and receive a free copy of The Negotiator’s Checklist.  If you would like to dive deeper into the world of Negotiations then you may want to consider my (currently free) Apprenticeship Program.

I’ll see you at the Negotiating Table.

Bruce Burns, the Negotiator!

Greetings Negotiators!

I promised to talk about T-Shirts and Maui last night so let me cut to the chase. In a few hours I’ll be driving Suzanne and myself to the airport to fly to Hawaii. How does that make me feel - you ask? Probably not (you didn’t ask) but I’ll answer anyway. I’m scared, a bit nervous to say the least. I’ve not had a real vacation since 1989 and guess where it was at…

…Maui, Hawaii. All vacation-talk set aside, I wish to acknowledge that the main reason I’m going to Hawaii (besides having the time of my life) is to support two very significant people in my life: Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len with the Zero Limits II Seminar. I’m quite confident that Dr. Hew Len will talk about erasing memories and I hope he can forgive me but I intend to create a few not just for myself but for anyone who wants to go or even thought who wished they could go but couldn’t. Here’s how..

I’ll be shamelessly wearing one everyday I suspect and you’ll find me displaying my website on the back of mine with great Internet humility! I’ve got a great deal of packing to do so I’ll leave you the link so you can buy a few memories for yourself now:

ZERO LIMITS T-SHIRT PRODUCTS PAGE

The Zero Limits II seminar will be held here:

I think you get the idea. I’m very excited and if I wasn’t overwhelmed with last-minute getting-ready - I’ stay a while and share some Negotiating Tips. Perhaps tomorrow on a layover or something.

If you’d like to know how to Negotiate your way to Hawaii or have a story about Hawaii or Negotiations the please feel free to leave a comment. You can also write me directly at justask@yourownbestgood.com. For those of you who might want a closer look at training as a Negotiator please consider what a powerful experience my (currently) free Apprenticeship Program might be fore you!  I’ll see you in Maui!!

Bruce Burns, The Negotiator!

Greetings Negotiators!

The holidays have struck again and people are fighting at department stores at 5am to be the first through the doors. I remember a few years back when I arrived at my local theater at 5 am to be the second family in line for Revenge of the Sith for the 8:30am showing. Being second in line isn’t so bad when the line wraps entirely around the 20 theater metroplex as the sun rises. Jar-Jar Binks didn’t inspire any violence outside of the theater though - I’m happy to report.

With the holidays comes the kind of forced reality-check that occurs when individuals either joyfully plan to spend time with their family and loved ones. I took along a long time friend of mine for Thanksgiving this year to my in-laws country estate in Driftwood, Texas.

My friends name is Randy and we go all the way back to 1984, the year I moved to New England. Since then we’ve entered quite a few business opportunities together. In fact the first job he helped me get in 1985 doubled my all time record for an hourly wage. I’m sure I could attribute a list of my strengths today as a result of my long-time friend’s influence but since this isn’t MySpace I’ll just name one that relates to Negotiating. Randy was the inspiration and the model for me for decades for the process I now refer to as Challenge the Information.

He relocated to Texas some years back and is now a thriving business owner in the Austin area. www.cpuaustin.com. He creates industry standard blogs and websites as well as designs residential and commercial computer networks with an emphasis on customer support and drive-up service.

I wanted to thank Randy for being such a joy at my in-laws for Thanksgiving. Everyone really enjoyed his festive spirit and his Yankee-in-Texas bravado. And as far as persistence goes, Randy would negotiate with you at a funeral if he got the chance.  You can call him at (512) 351-7841.

So in closing you Negotiators out there might want to ask yourselves this resourceful question: “What Negotiating Strategy did Randy apply in order to get an entire post devoted to him including his website and his home phone number?”

Tomorrow I’ll be talking about T-shirts and my first vacation in almost 20 years.

If you’ve found anything in this post interesting feel free to leave a comment or even complain if you wish. Also I take any and all questions directly at justask@yourownbestgood.com. If you wish a more intensive look at training as a Negotiator, please consider signing up for my (currently) free apprenticeship program. I’ll see you all at the Negotiating Table and some of you in Maui soon!

Bruce Burns, the Negotiator!

Greetings Negotiators!

I’ve been Negotiating calories but not to my own best good for a long time. I had the good fortune of being invited onto a One Hour Teleconference training call as the guest speaker twice in the past few weeks. The products and services that the company these people represent are about nutrition, health and weight loss. After the second call I spoke at length to my contact’s mentor. I listened and learned and was inspired to try their products and services for about two weeks. I’m nearing the end of week one (after some Negotiating of course!)

One of the most interesting things that I learned is that our bodies produce fat to insulate our organs from toxins that we come in contact with.  So some fat in our bodies can be caused by the level of toxicity of your environment.

I’m going to give the program and products a few months then I’ll share my results.

On a more serious note - I have a friend who’s created an amazing game.  He’s marketing it with a video that he’s included me in at the very end.  You can check out a talking gorilla here: http://yourownbestgood.com/?page_id=24.  He and his life’s love Nan have returned recently from a European Tour focused mostly on the British Isles.

Today I received a call from one of my Relationship Coaching clients.  Her dilemma was that she really wants a relationship but the counter-intention belief that was contrasting her will to find a significant other sounds like this:

I don’t need a man to be a whole person.

I understood her challenge and I broke it down like this:

1. When our needs go unmet long enough our neediness becomes Desperation
2. Desperation leads to Devastation - Whenever we act out of a desperate state we always create devastating results.
3. The first resourceful behavior to inspire in someone who is feeling or acting desperate is to help them get some needs met.  As soon as their neediness starts to decrease they can think creatively again and start accessing their own resources.
4. Yes it’s true you don’t need another person to be “whole” however we all have needs.   Companionship and attention are some of those needs.  So if you go out and find someone for companionship then you are making a proactive choice to get your needs met.
5. As you develop a relationship with yourself the relationships that you can attract and maintain with others grows  proportionally.

One rule I try to remember when an avalanche of philosophy seems to swarm over a tiny practicality in our personal lives is When Philosophy meets Reality, Reality always Wins!

If you have a Philosophy that is in conflict with your Reality and would like some help then leave a comment or email me at justask@yourownbestgood.com.  You can Recieve my FREE Negotiator’s Checklist by signing up for my newsletter at the top right hand side of my site.  If you are interested in a deeper level of information my Apprenticeship is still free: Apprentice Now!

I’ll see you at the Negotiating Table!

Bruce Burns the Negotiator!