The Negotiators Secrets

One misconception that many (not all) people have about Negotiations is that if you don’t close now – you don’t close. Remember Every Form of Communication is a Negotiation. My father who will be 73 this fall is as health conscious as a tri-athlete and has been for decades. He monitors his heart rate, water intake, exercise, food intake, weight – you name it. When he was 68 he twisted his knee in an accident 180 degrees. He rehabilitated himself after 8 surgeries on an outdoor spiral staircase and has no limp today.

A few months ago he was diagnoised with Congestive Heart Failure. As an electrical engineer – he is accustomed to doing research on the internet. He did his research and discovered that a)in most Hospitals if you are over 50 and sneeze they diagnose you with CHF and b)he had no symptoms whatsoever of heart problems. For months the doctors wanted to cut him open and operate – pump him full of end-game drugs and so on. He refused. Finally – he discovered that he had acid reflux – which was causing the hydrochloric gas in his stomach to seep into his lungs – starving him for oxygen.

Living in Austin, Texas means I also live in the land of alternative medicine. I’ve been “communicating” the option that my father come to Austin, stay in my home (he lives 2 hours away) and “try” the alternative means to getting better – all the doctors and meds of “modern” medicine haven’t improved his situation even slightly. Sometimes in a Negotiation “time” is the one ingredient that you require in order to succeed. My father will be pulling up in my driveway in a matter of minutes. We are going to see two different kinds of alternative medicine practitioners this morning.

I don’t truly know if they can help him – what I do know is that the difference between those who fail and those who succeed is that he who is willing to fail and try again will eventually succeed – he who fails and quits (in this context at least) dies. My father’s misery with this condition is something I don’t wish to share with the public. I’ll just say that I spent two days with him recently at our Family Estate and when I returned home it took me 3 days to get over the sense of overwhelm of watching him suffer through this.

Today he Negotiates for relief with new doctors. I Negotiate traffic and parking spaces so he can get that relief.  Every chance I had to Negotiate through time with my father without wearing out my welcome on the subject of trying something different in order to create a result – I did.  Even though that’s true, when he called me earlier this week and told me what he wanted – I was still surprised.

The fruit of our Negotiations sometimes appear when we least expect them too.

I love my father.

Bruce Burns The Negotiator

Perhaps the most significant contribution to the science of human behavior was a quantum physics principle revealed by Werner Heisenberg known simply as The Uncertainty Principle.  We stay stuck in our lives because…we stay stuck in our lives.  The movement out of ‘stuck’ is what we do the moment we fell inspired.

Today, I attended a birthday luncheon of a dear friend of my wife’s.  It was a Vegetarian restaurant that had “some” Vegan dishes as well.  Being a new Vegan myself – I was happy for the choice and looked forward to trying out my first Vegan Restaurant dish as I’ve been making my meals at home mostly til today.  We all ate, opened presents, took pictures and made middle-of-the-work-day chit chat.  I have to wonder if some waitresses find me “high maintenance” since I’m pretty strict about the foods I eat.

Our waitress didn’t flash me alot of smiles or engage me in Vegan talk during the different times that I ordered something.  No big deal – I have accepted that there might be Vegan Prejudice in the world before I embarked on my new dietary lifestyle.  The party had died down and everyone had left for work.  I’m finishing off my Vegan desert when this pretty young waitress comes marching up to our table.  “I have heard that you are a Vegan!” she said with a sparkle in her eyes.

I smiled up at her and agreed.   She then proceeded in a very passionate way to speak about her own journey into Veganism.  As she spoke Resourceful Questions arose in my mind.  “How is she sharing this passion with others?  Does she have an interest in sharing this passion with others on a larger scale”? and so on.  So of course no sooner did I think it than I began to ask her those very questions.

She seemed intrigued at the idea of having her own blog and sharing her interest with others, etc.   We all finished the exchange with trading numbers and email addresses for some followup.

What inspired her to come out and announce to me that she was a Vegan?  How often does she act on such inspiration?  What did her inspiration lead too?  What will happen if she follows the thread of her inspiration to completion?  She was inspired to ask about my Veganism and I was inspired to ask about her Internet Presence.  It was interesting that she had never even considered sharing her thoughts and wisdom with the world.

What have you been inspired to do lately?  What would happen if you ACTED on that inspiration??  If ever form of communication is a negotiation, then what was she negotiating for?  I’m curious what your answers maybe and how you came to those conclusions.

Bruce Burns The Negotiator!

Greetings Negotiators!

Today I had a business lunch with my favorite client.  She’s launching quite a few new products online and she’s really enter a new league of Internet Marketing.  As a result of stepping up her game – she’s added some consultants to her retinue in order to meets some important deadlines.  One consultant is her new webmaster.  So she shared her challenges and disappointsments over a salad and I of course bombarded her with resourceful questions.

Her delimma was that she really likes her new webmaster, but he’s not delivering what she wants or apparently what he promised.  And of course like a “typical” man I blurt out “Get another!” – ohhhh soooo obvious to the linear-minded man.  Her face immediately revealed what her lips resisted expressing.  I’m thinking “uh oh that wasn’t the right answer for some reason” – so what do I do?  ASK RESOURCEFUL QUESTIONS.

I began to inquire about what was keeping her stuck and what was important and what was exciting about the experience she was having.  She revealed that she was not “readily deciding” to can the new webmaster because her feelings were involved (she likes him).  I asked her a few questions about her very real deadlines coming up and asked her how she would feel if she weren’t ready when it was showtime.  She was trying to hang on to the webmaster and make the best choice for her own best good businesswise.

Being my favorite client – she owned her process, which I call feeling management, and we were able to come up with some strong strategies to get her moving again.

Are you ever faced with a feeling conflicting with what you know is sound advice or good judgement?  How do you manage your feelings and make sound choices?  What would happen if no matter what you did – you would have good feelings?  Can a choice be proactive or reactive?  If so, how do we discern the difference between the two?

If you have questions – then post them – lets hear what you think, what you feel and how you agree or even challenge my information.

Bruce Burns The Negotiator

Yesterday I was at a New Age bookstore in South Austin.  The behind-the-counter clerk stands out in my mind like a larger-than-life movie.  First of all – I don’t usually encounter “high visual” people outside of setting that are usually defined by a stage.  “High Visual” is an NLP term for someone who’s presented primary submodality is “visual” which means that the pictures in their minds are racing so fast they can’t get the words out quick enough or THEY TALK FAST.   Not only did she talk fast but she wouldn’t stop talking.  I had resourceful questions to ask her but she had so much she wanted to share it was as if I had pushed the button labeled total information dump.

In most instances in human communication when I ask a resourceful question on the other side of the dialog my Negotiating Complement has a filter that probably sounds like this: “What part of my information would I like to share with this stranger?”  This woman didn’t seem to have that filter.   Since she was giving me too much information I decided to take the time to appreciate the environment around her.  What I noticed behind her and just to her right was The Secret (DVD).  What I noticed directly behind her was The Attractor Factor (Audio)by Dr. Joe Vitale.   At some point other people started gathering around the counter and I was able to extract myself as the perpetual information dump occurred and others were able to receive the limitless flow of information coming from the woman behind the counter.

A couple of months ago I had the great fortune of hearing Depak Chopra speak live at The World Wellness Weekend here in Austin.  He had mentioned the 15 commitments.  That’s what I was in search of in the bookstore.  So I went to the different areas that carried his things and finally returned to the counter.  One of the CDs I picked up by him was named The Book of Secrets.   When I returned to the counter a woman engaging the perpetual information generator (lady behind the counter) said “I was at the Public Library earlier and speaking to one of the Librarians about getting more copies of The Secret.  While we were speaking I recommended that she also clear some space on her bookshelves for the next book by Dr. Joe Vitale – Zero Limits.

I’m a contributor to Zero Limits in several ways (but I’ll brag after the book is on the shelves) and I thought it was fascinating that a woman who isn’t nearly as in the loop as I am on this book launch would be having conversations with librarians about ordering and clearing space, etc.  The group’s conversation was quite engaging and I discovered I had things to say – so I kept trying to politely interject but the energy of the conversation just kept on moving.  Finally I was able to get a word in edgewise and I really enjoyed meeting that many strangers in a place I don’t often go and having things in common with them.  When the discussion was over we all shook hands and introduced ourselves.

I had watched The Secret the night before and had to ask myself – “How did I attract this experience?”  I listened to The Book of Secrets on the drive home.  It seems that my Negotiating Excellence is now being flushed out by the Secrets of some of the finest minds in the world.   My wife has a specific business that would fit well with this bookstore and of course before we left I asked about 10 resourceful questions that might help her develop a business relationship with the store.  She was very grateful for the plug and thanked me when we got home.

At some point in Mastering The Art of Resourceful Questions – you just DO IT!  When you reach that point – the value of your communication is always RESOURCEFUL.

I’ll see you at the Negotiating Table!

Bruce Burns  The Negotiator