The most important step in any negotiation is to follow the advice of the suicide teacher - Socrates. “Know Thyself“. In order for you to give something to someone else - you must give it to yourself first. I have emphasized the value of The Art of Asking Resourceful Questions. If you are going to ask your negotiating complement resourceful questions then you must first ask those questions to yourself. You must know the answers even if you do not divulge the information.

The advantage that “knowing thyself” brings to the Negotiator is that few negotiators ever explore their own mind that completely. When you are facing your negotiating complement it will be the question that you ask him that he has not yet asked himself that will give you “wiggle room”. Unasked questions cause us to stumble. They will cause the Negotiating Complement to stumble as well. Your job at that point is to gracefully help the Negotiating Complement back to his feet as you change your own position toward fulfillment plus.

The Invisible Side of a negotiation is the unspoken minimums, maximums and the “ideal” outcome on the part of the Negotiating Complement. Many people in a negotiating situation don’t think once of the invisible side of Negotiations. They barter and banter, argue and agree only about what is seen or heard.

One technique that is usually above the beginner is called the double bind. The double bind is simply a Negotiating Proposition that has a multiple choice (Negotiating Complement’s choice) design. Lets say that you have silver, gold and platinum to transact with, but you do not wish to tap into your platinum supply. You offer your Negotiating Complement the multiple choice of silver or gold.

The error on the Negotiating Complement’s part at this point would be that he assumes that silver and gold are the full spectrum of available resources. In the Western world from the earliest school age on - we are trained to make multiple choices. We pride ourselves on making the “best” choice. The moral of the double bind is to always ask about what resources aren’t being offered.

How many times have you studied a menu only to see someone served something not on the menu at a restaurant? Good training for the “counter” to the double bind would be to ALWAYS ask for things not on the menu when you go out to eat.

If you have enjoyed this post would you be kind enough to leave a comment or email me a question justask@yourownbestgood.com? What would happen if you could perform the double bind tomorrow at work or perhaps somewhere significant in your personal life?

Bruce Burns the Negotiator!